Being back at home (a.k.a where my mailing address is) after months of wandering has been a little unsettling. I’ve taken back my old job at a bookstore, I’m struggling to digest the North American food and I’m picking up some new Québécois expressions, as well as rekindling some of the Montreal Anglophone animosity. Le sigh.
What’s a little more unsettling is dating again. The dinner and a movie stuff I’ve definitely seen more in movies than experienced first hand in the past couple of years. Megan, my BBF (bookstore buddy forever) and I have been out of commission for a while, and it’s intestine turning and exciting at the same time. I prefer the face-to-face love at first sight way of meeting dudes, and Megan is trying to conquer the online dating thing. I think nothing gives me more anxiety than creating an online dating profile, and to that I give my friend props for getting herself “back out there”.
Our early morning (too early…I miss traveling) coffee runs at work have way too much gossip for the early hours of the morning but they’re hilarious and I wouldn’t have my life and all its crazy early mornings any other way right now. When it comes to this dating subject…what confuses us are the simple things. How much do you text a guy? How do you act on the first date? What place is appropriate? Before Megan’s weekend filled with dates I promised her that I’d try to compile something for our rusty, but hopeful, selves. Here you go Megan.
Rules of the First Date (Jen’s Top Ten)
1-No farting. That’s a third or fourth date kinda thing.
2-Don’t laugh too hard at everything he says. He’ll think you’re crazy or he’ll think he’s way funnier than he is. Life isn’t that amazing….he probably won’t be that hilarious.
3-Crack some jokes yourself. Funny girls are hot.
4-A date under an hour is considered a failure. A date under 25 minutes is a great topic of conversation for your next and hopefully longer date 🙂 It’s not all bad, my lady-friends.
5-Don’t be scared to pay the bill. It’s the 21st century people!!
6-Texting the day after the first date is apparently too soon. Nowadays a text message has the same intimacy factor as a phone call. So if you feel like it’s too soon to call, it’s probably too soon to text.
7-Don’t try to push too much conversation. If it’s meant to be, you’ll have plenty to talk about right off the bat. Don’t worry if he thinks you’re boring…he’s not your soul-mate.
8-A few beers can go a long way. Wherever you are on your date make sure it’s within walking distance from a bar. Even if you don’t end up going with him (or her) it’s a great place to forget your sorrows and wallow in your loneliness afterwards if the date ends up a disaster. Have fun!!
9-Don’t dress up too much. He’ll probably show up in jeans and make you look too eager.
10-and last but not least….NO FARTING!!